Friday, October 5, 2007

"A flower quickly fading..."

At 34 years old, it's probable that I still have more life in front of me than behind me.... However, I was recently hit right between the eyes, so to speak, with the realization that this body of mine is dying. A couple of weeks ago I had an annual eye exam and my optometrist was concerned that my left eye seems to be getting worse. I've already got severe enough astigmatism in that eye that seeing out of it is sometimes a bit challenging, but this was something else. He ended up running some more tests and diagnosing me with a degenerative disease that, while common in teenagers, is slightly rare in men of my age. There is a slight chance that it will take care of itself, but most likely I'll have to undergo a corneal transplant in that eye sometime in the near future. Everything I've read on it leads me to believe that this is a relatively simple procedure that successfully restores sight nearly 90% of the time. Nevertheless, the thought of a knife and my eyeball meeting up with one another in a doctor's office is not one I particularly care for!

I'm reminded of 1 Peter 1:24-25 where the Apostle reminds us of our weakness and the very temporal nature of these old bodies. The fact that we began creeping towards death from the very moment of conception is sometimes a bit distasteful to grasp.

To tell you the truth, I tend to hold on to things like this...not out of fear, anxiety, trepidation, or some sort of depression; but rather as motivation. I'm at an age now where the scales are beginning to tip....I said earlier that I likely have more life in front of me than behind me, but (best case scenario) not much. When I see these small flaws creeping up that cause me to cast a glance at my mortality, I tend to evaluate my life a bit closer. What have I done? What am I doing? What do I plan on doing? Am I content with being a decent manufacturing manager, an honest man, a good father, and a faithful husband who sometimes preaches / teaches? Is this really all that God has called me to? If not, why am I still doing it after more than 10 years?

At the risk of exposing myself a bit too much on the internet, I'll admit that these sorts of questions will keep me awake at night on occasion. I can't think of anything more tragic in the life of a child of God than to live that life without ever really approaching what God desires of that life. That's a thought worth thinking on a bit, I think. So I'll close this little article with it just hanging out there.....

1 comment:

Phil said...

I do hope it turns out to be a "simple" procedure! I'll pray for you... I thought I had a taste of mortality last week when I found out I needed a root canal--but a knife coming into close proximity with an eyeball is on a whole different level... ;)